6.7789 per day

Updated daily or some shit

Not in the "wah I'm sad" sense but in the "eh I'm just gonna sit inside and stare at the wall today".

Had or have some sort of liver problem. Doctors don't know what caused it yet. Dad thinks they were caused by the drugs I take (which is very unlikely) and made me flush them after searching my room. He's demanding that I go to counseling for substance abuse. Thought my anxiety meds were working but can still barely socialize with new people. Interferes with my work, which requires me to deal with customers. Don't see hardly any of my friends because I don't wanna start smoking again. Haven't kept in touch with anyone really. Girl seems to have lost interest in me. Keep fucking up interpersonal relationships. Don't want to study computer science in school anymore. Veterinary opiates I found in the house are looking pretty good but I don't want to take anything because of my liver. Stopped working out.

I don't like where my life is heading but don't know what to change besides everything.

I should probably sleep more.
I'm bored.

Boobs

I had the strangest dream last night. I can't imagine what it could mean.

The beginning of the dream is very unclear to me now. I remember being at the top of a very tall swaying building. I was terrified of the height. I remember talking to a woman and being surrounded by people. Outside it was very dark. People would die if they went outside, but no one besides me seemed to be scared. I also remember an endless building full of broken brass machines.

I died. Then suddenly I was awake again. I was in a dark stairwell as a spirit, or a cloud of smoke, or some other shapeless object like that. There was another thing like me there. She formed into the shape of a human and told me that she was a demon and that I was a demon now. I asked her if demons could have offspring. She climbed (or rather floated) to the stop of the stairwell and started sobbing (or doing whatever a vapor does to indicate sadness).

She told me that one she was alone and willed herself to reproduce, but it only populated the building that she died in with broken machines. I remembered dying in that building and trying to use those broken machines. She was there when I died. She was a demon then but she occupied a mortal body. She was friendly to me when I was alive. She offered to make me immortal.

I accepted. I may not have had a choice, I don't remember. As a demon I was given my old body back and free to roam the Earth. If my body was destroyed, I had to go to a purgatory of sorts until a new one was made. Every time I died all traces of my existence would be removed from Earth and everyone I ever knew would forget me. I could continue doing this until the end of time. The only stipulation was that I had to do the work of a demon, which essentially meant that I had to murder as many people as possible and be as sadistic as possible. The female demon would work with me. We intertwined as spirits before we were returned to our bodies.

After that I began my new life. I only remember being outside of a mansion firing at a few men on the front porch. Half of the building was burned down. I died again there after being shot many times.

After I returned I did much better. I had now gotten used to being a demon and realized the truth: that I was essentially a god now. I could do whatever I wanted. I had no responsibilities. I stopped feeling empathy for humans because I wasn't a human any more. The nameless female demon and I lived in a tiny shed. We got money to maintain our bodies by robbing people. We wandered around wherever we wanted. Once we walked into a room where a father was spending time with his child. He pulled out a gun and pointed it at me. I took the gun from him and emptied the magazine into both of them. After a few seconds the father moved again, still alive somehow. I picked up a rifle that was sitting behind me and shot him a few more times.

By that point the noise had attracted the attention of other people. We walked out into a garage. A few armed men surrounded us, shouting that the police were on their way and demanding us to surrender. Amused, I took a step towards one man. He shot me in the chest twice. I flinched a few times but gave no other reaction. For some reason, we did surrender to the police. If I remember the dream correctly, we did it because we did not want to spend time in purgatory without our physical bodies. Ten or so policemen showed up and began walking us down the street. As we walked we had a conversation about wanting to try LSD and cocaine while we were still alive. One of the police officers gave us an odd look but nothing else interesting happened.

We eventually got to a tall chain-link fence. The police waited by the gate there. Inexplicably, I decided to climb over the fence (we were either not handcuffed or had some magical way to escape restraint). I looked down and noticed that my companion was not following me. I told her to run unless she wanted to go back to purgatory. I ran a short distance and then saw a horse. I hopped onto it along with the other demon, who had simply opened the gate and ran through. We started to ride away on the horse.

A tank came over the hilltop and started to fire at us. The horse exploded and we flew through the air. We landed at the base of a tree in some bushes. The tank must have assumed that we were dead and left. We had sex in the bushes and then wandered off into the forest.

The rifle I had must have been magical. It was a lever-action that could take any type of ammunition so long as it wasn't too large to fit in its magazine. I filled it up with some bullets that I found on the ground and amused myself by shooting random animals. After a while I wandered into a clearing and found a wolf. I shot it in the legs first and then loaded the rifle with .22 CB in order to torture to death. After I was done I heard something approaching. A bear the size of a semi truck stepped out of the woods and looked in my direction. I felt fear for the first time in a long time.

However, the bear only stared at us for a moment and then continued up a dirt path at the edge of the clearing. After a few moments of silence my female friend told me that the bear was a threat and I had to kill it. We followed it up the path, crawling to avoid being seen.

After an indeterminate amount of time we came to a huge treehouse. The bear lumbered up a ramp at one end and disappeared inside. I loaded the largest rounds I could find into the rifle (periodically I found weapons and such lying on the ground). I spotted the bear through gaps in the wall of the treehouse, took aim, and fired. I shot it seven times. The bear simply shook it off and began to chase after us. We tried to escape but the last thing I remember from the dream is being ripped to pieces.

That was my crazy ass dream.

Since the psychological health care at my college is free (save for the cost of medication) I finally went to get some help. I went to a counselor for a few months and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Now I'm on medication and I feel... fine.

I can't even remember a time before now when I was able to even go out in public without feeling nervous. Feels p good to finally relax.

I have this on collabinate but I'll also post it here.

Basically we're turning this into a flash animation: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1336007

Animation is covered and most of the voice acting I'm p sure but we still need:

-voice actor for hitler w/ a smexy german accent
-fappy sound effects

comment or PM pl0x

P.S. yes this is 100% real we are making it

Skype me y'all

Skype is on my profile

I will camwhore to the end of time

It's creeping up on me again.
I need to get rid of it permanently.